How to Lovingly minister the Rod ~

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~ How to lovingly minister the Rod ~

Compiled by: Teresa Haley 2013

What is a rod?

The rod is a little branch of a tree, sometimes called a switch. Rulers break. They cost money. Switches have a nice swoosh sound. One can use it softly with a tinge of pain or rather strongly, depending on the situation. Get a switch that bends easily not an old hardened or heavy one. Using plastic tubing does the same job.

The ROD in the Bible:

The following quotations  come from the King James Version (KJV) of the Bible:

Prov 13:24: “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes (diligently).”
Prov 19:18: “Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.”
Prov 22:15: “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.”
Prov 23:13: “Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.
Prov 23:14: “Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell (Shoel).”
Prov 29:15: “The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.

An additional verse from the New Testament is occasionally cited as justification for physical punishment of children:

Hebrews 12:6-7: “…the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son. Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?

Parenting Principles

  • Chastisement is the bringing of pain to a child to bring him to compliance from the heart.
  • A father is responsible for the overall process of training the child.
  • Using the rod is a crucial part to bringing up godly children.
  • We need to keep the boundaries (rules) and consequences clear before chastising.
  • We should not chastise in public.
  • After chastising a child, a parent should lovingly talk with the child.

A few definitions to consider:

Instruction: Instruction is the verbal and sometimes physical persuasion used to urge a child to follow some course of action.

Discipline: Discipline is the whole training process by which you bring a child to obedient action.

Chastisement: Chastisement (or use of the rod) refers to the physical pain or discomfort that is inflicted to bring the child to an acceptable standard and change of behavior: spanking, switching

Disciplines: Disciplines as a noun describes a structure of behavior such as controlling time, eating or other good habits. “He is has good disciplines.”

Discipline and instruction in the Lord are needed to provide the training that the child needs to learn how to be ‘other-focused.’ They need to know how to suppress the urge to satisfy their own desires. The rod works wonders by using pain to cause the child to restrain himself from expressing the desires that might offend another, i.e.: taking a toy that belongs to his friend. The instruction not only guides the child but as he gets older helps him adopt these principles for himself. This is the goal for instilling self-control in our child.

God does not let His children wander away. He gives them special care to keep them on the right track. Just as God disciplines His children, so a father is expected to chastise his children. The love of the father compels him to use the rod on the child. Discipline is rigorous work. One needs to stay on top of things. The faithful father does this because of his love for that child. Isn’t it sad to see a child acting without self-control?!

 Pain’s Reward (12:6)

If it doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t work.

AND HE SCOURGES EVERY SON WHOM HE RECEIVES.” (Hebrews 12:6)

We don’t pretend that certain aspects of discipline don’t hurt. In fact, the word ‘scourge’ is very strong and indicates that at times, chastisement needs to be very painful to accomplish its goals.

Do not hold back discipline from the child, although you beat him with the rod, he will not die. (Proverbs 23:13)

Although parents might feel that they are ‘damaging’ their child, chastisement brings about a greater good that could not otherwise be accomplished. The scriptures do not deny that the child will suffer if chastised, but only that it is temporary and he will not die. The scriptures do repeatedly acknowledge that the child will suffer without chastisement.

Some people avoid pain and conflict at all costs. These people will not be able to care for their children. The child must experience the pain associated with chastising to be properly trained. God has to train parents too!

Children desperately need their parents’ discipline.

But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. (Hebrews 12:8)

If a child is not disciplined, then it shows that he is not part of the family. Ownership brings a sense of responsibility. The lack of discipline proves a lack of ownership. We understand that there are children that have parents that do not discipline them. This family is dysfunctional.

Fatherly Respect (12:9)

Here is the clear connection between discipline and respect.

Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live? (Hebrews 12:9)

When earthly fathers discipline their children, those children come to respect them. God the Father disciplines His children to create that same respect for Himself. The need for a child to respect his father is important. The means of getting this respect is also clear.

Discipline is hard work. Is it really worth it?

All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. (Hebrews 12:11)

Yes. We all know about the suffering moments, both parent and child. No one likes it. When one sees the result in a well-trained child, everyone is delightfully surprised. The scriptures describe it as ‘peaceful fruit of righteousness.’ This is our goal. This justifies the pain.

What can I do about worried neighbors?

Chastisement can be noisy! Neighbors sometimes get concerned when they hear your child screaming. They do not see your caring love nor your long-term plan.

It is essential that you start training your child when he is a baby. This will enable you to gain the child’s respect your ‘no’ very early This will not eliminate the need for chastisement, but it will greatly limit it.

We have trained our children, especially the loud criers, to cover their mouths when they cry. It works!4 We also do not tolerate extreme crying or yelling. Yelling is an expression of rebellion. The child must be warned of it and, if necessary, also be chastised for his disobedience. Listen carefully to your child’s cries to discern the differences.

Choose to discipline in private places that absorb sound. If you live in apartments, flats or condos, choose the room away from the halls and with more insulation like a rug. You might cover an air vent for the brief moment. Walk-in closets are great.

When parents discipline their children in anger, they create hostile children. The parent shouts, and the child shouts back. The parent hits; the child yells. This is not is desired.

What should I do about my anger?

The parent will sometimes get angry at a child’s behavior. It will produce in the parent an urge to chastise the child. The problem is that if the parent himself does not have self-control, he will tend to yell and hit harder than he should. If you get angry, first quiet yourself down. While quieting down, have your child wait in the other room. Explain that you are angry but want to properly discipline him. He will much appreciate your gesture!

What about time-out?

The parent has many different ways of correcting our child, but rebuke and using the rod are the two basic. In many cases, talking to our children simply does not change their attitudes. Nothing can completely replace the biblical injunction to use a rod. Chastisement is not the only way to correct a child who has done wrong, but it is the only way to gain missing respect. Proper use of the rod cleanses the child’s guilt of wrongdoing and restores his respect for the parent. Then comes immediate and full reconciliation–just like it never happened.

Other methods like time-out are ineffective. Many methods fail completely because they do not restore the relationship or the parent is trying to avoid using the rod. Chastisement is necessary to chase away the foolish and rebellious heart of the child. We can use other tactics like restriction of liberties, rebuking, distraction, and other things to work in conjunction with using the rod.

How do you properly use the rod?

The rod is used for training as well as chastisement. When used for training, the switch helps make the child properly respond to the parent’s ‘no.’ Once the child makes the connection, the child will need much less chastisement. The initial fear is instilled in the child. In training, the rod is used immediately, but ever so softly with the tiny child. They are not usually being rebellious but just ignorant at what the parent wants. At 10 months our daughter would quite consistently listen to our ‘no’ (if she wasn’t distracted).

The most effective training takes place immediately following the offense. 

In chastisement, the rod is used to inflict pain upon the child because he has clearly been disobedient. In these cases it is used for rebellion. There are two kinds of rebellion. 1) Open rebellion is when bad attitudes accompany disobedience. 2) Silent rebellion occurs when they only show their rebellion by their disobedient behavior. 

Do children sometimes forget? Yes, but more often than not it is a cover up for their rebellion. Children sometimes do become forgetful, distracted, etc. We do not switch them for this. Instead, we should just warn them. But when we know they have clearly disobeyed us, we must use the rod.

In these cases, the rod can be struck against the backs of hands. Tell the child to place his hands down on a flat surface. The pain is equally distributed across the hand rather than focusing in on one spot. Spanking through thick pants is hard because one might not get a good spank in. In some cases one might overcompensate for the thickness of the pants and be too hard.

Remember, when using the rod for the first time, make sure you try it out on yourself first! This way you can better judge the pain. One does not need to be overbearing.

What about first-time obedience?

First-time obedience is when the child obeys the parent the first time they request something. In many cases, the parents warn their child again and again. They actually fool themselves by thinking they are helping the child by being tender. Instead they are confusing the child and will end up using the rod more than they would with first-time obedience.

Certainly, we should strive for first-time obedience. First-time obedience is obedience. Second-time obedience is disobedience. Let us think about this a bit more.

Once the parents warn the child, the child becomes accommodating to this warning. In other words, the child is no longer responding to the parent’s instruction to do something. They have learned that the parent will not take action until she starts raising her voice – probably after the third instruction. Why go through this process? It causes great friction in the relationship with the child.

Who is responsible to chastise the child, Dad or Mom?

God clearly sets the father in charge over the family. The fathers need to be responsible for the overall disciplining of their children. God, however, has called Mothers to be Dad’s top assistant. She must carry out discipline through the day to be constant and effective.

At times, mothers get too emotionally involved in the child’s feelings. If a father sees this, he should step in and finish carrying out the chastisement.

The Parent’s Part

Here are a few things to pay attention to when implementing changes with your children. Remember that these instructions are age-related.

o    Speak directly to the child; face to face.
o    Make him say back to you what you said.
o    Make sure you are really going to carry through on what you said.
o    Don’t forget to check and see if you are setting a good example.

Blessing upon you as you raise your children in the fear and admonition of the Lord

Teresa Haley

Published in: on January 24, 2013 at 12:52 am  Comments (2)  

Beautiful Hand Written Letters ~

Hello friends ~

I found this very interesting and I hope you enjoy it too.  In our modern day of electronic mail, few of us take the time or effort to write a hand written letter to our family and friends.  Maybe this will inspire us to pick up paper and pen.

Blessings to you this new year ~

Teresa

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Taken from ~ Book of Etiquette, 1922

Letter Writing and Correspondence

During the 19th century, ladies often presided over the affairs of the home. preforming the many duties of a social administrator and penning beautifully written letters of correspondence to dear friends and loved ones.  In those days, it was considered the mark of a well-bred young lady if she possessed the ability to compose a well-written letter, as the quality of her “hand” revealed much about her social status, education, and upbringing.  Many friendships were cultivated through hand written letters, and oftentimes these dear epistles were considered a suitable and proper method of courtship as well.  Because letters were, for the most part, the only means of communication between distant friends and would be suitor’s, they were fondly cherished, with each and every word being savored, and read again and again.  Oftentimes, handwritten letters enabled one to express thoughts and feelings that one may not express in person, as well as afforded the author time for quiet reflection and creative expression.  Because quill pens were used in that day, great care was taken when writing a letter of correspondence as an inkblot on a letter indicated carelessness and negligence on the part of the writer.  Therefore, much time was spent on cultivating one’s penmanship and of using a quill pen.

As in days of old, the handwritten letter is still the most revered and time-honored method of communication, and is without exception, the most personal and favored means of commemorating birthdays, holidays, and special occasions; for nothing can convey a heart felt sentiment better than a handwritten letter, and no store bought card could ever replace true words spoken from the heart.

When you write to your friends, make your letters so beautiful in form and text that they will read, re-read, and cherish a long time after as a fond memory.

~ Book of Etiquette, 1922

 

Published in: on January 21, 2013 at 3:45 am  Leave a Comment  

Feminine and Masculine Roles, defined ~

Hello ladies ~

I shared this info at a recent ladies Bible Study I taught and I thought you might be encouraged by it as well. So many times the world and even the church get the lines blurred between the roles of the man and the woman.  They are very simple, but difficult at times to fulfill.  Be encouraged today as God is developing you and helping you find your role and may you be fulfilled in being in it.

Graciously yours,

Teresa ~

THE FEMININE ROLE ~

1. Wife  – Gen 2:18

2. Mother – Gen. 3:16

3. Homemaker – Gen. 31:27

THE MASCULINE ROLE~

1. Guide – Gen. 3:16

2. Protector – 1 Peter 3:7

3. Provider – Gen 3:19

Characteristics of the Feminine Role:

1. Weakness

2. Submissiveness

3. Dependence

4. Tenderness

Acquire a feminine attitude. Eliminate the masculine work in your life. If you must do masculine work do it in a feminine manner. Be submissive, Col. 3:18. Don’t try to subdue fearfulness. 2 Kings 4:1. Don’t hide tender emotions. Don’t try to excel him. Invite his care and protection Exodus 2:16-22. Live your feminine role. Titus 2:4,5

Be a lady !!!

Real ladies need strong brave men.  Men respect a feminine lady, not a woman who can be a rough and tough as they are.

Men are turned off by women who acts like a man. Be tender and soft, as ladies should be. Practice it, if it doesn’t come naturally.

Women should not have to bear the double curse by bearing the children and the house plus work a 40 hr a week salary job. Something will suffer or lack if this is the case. Men should be willing to take a second or third job to make the ends meet and to be the provider. Grant it the woman of the house should manage every penny and not waste her husbands hard work and effort to provide for the family.

May the Lord please help us to repent and to start again with a new page. Help us to be the women that we are suppose to be so the world can see Christ in us and be drawn to the Lord by our Biblical example of  genuine womanhood.  🙂 Amen ~

Published in: on September 20, 2012 at 5:40 pm  Comments (3)  

Flipping the Bed Mattress ~

Flipping the Bed Mattress ~

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Here is a chore that all housekeepers need to do but it’s easy to forget about, at least for me :). I found a reminder in my Martha Stewart / Living magazine today and was reminded to put this chore on my master calendar. With 4 beds in our house this could end up being a serious chore. I pray this will encourage you to consider flipping your mattresses, as well. This would be a chore that would be great to assign to older teens, if you have them.  May God bless you as a godly housekeeper ~

Sincerely,

Mrs. Teresa Haley

Have you Done it Lately? – taken from an article …. Martha Stewart/ Living

For even wear, rotate your mattress four times a year.  Alternate between flipping it end-over-end and side-overside.  This is also a good time to launder the mattress cover and , while the cover is removed, vacuum the mattress itself thoroughly.  Air out the mattress twice a year ( in fall and spring) by taking it outdoors on a sunny day and letting it sit in the sun for at least three hours.  If this is not possible, open windows on a breezy day and leave the mattress uncovered for several hours.

Published in: on July 17, 2012 at 1:03 am  Leave a Comment  

How Women try to change their Husbands ~

Hello friends, greetings in the lovely name of the Lord Jesus !

We have all heard that we should accept our husband and not try to change him. Some have even said “make sure you know what your getting into, because after you get married, he won’t change.”

I have found out after almost 27 years of married life. that only the Lord can change the heart of a man or a woman. But, fervent prayer is very powerful in changing the heart in the right direction. But, I know for sure a husband does not respond well to pressure to demanding him to change, anything. Nor, do they respond to negative comments or nagging.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.  Col. 3:18

Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.   Eph. 5:33

Here are a few ideas I gleaned from my book : Fascinating Womanhood, by Helen Andelin. Hope it encourages you some as you choose to honor and reverence your husband.

HOW WOMEN TRY TO CHANGE THEIR HUSBANDS ~

1. In their personal habits: appearance, bad temper, careless driving, untidy habits, etc…

2. How he spends his time: sporting events, church responsibilities, napping, T.V, work aholic, etc…

3. Duties: home repairs, yard work, painting, etc…

4. Social Behavior: talk too much, careless conversation, lack of courtesy, friend choices, etc…

5. Desires and Dreams: zest for living, no ambition, no imagination, etc…

6. Manly accomplishments: past mistakes, hasty judgements, fail to lead. etc…

7. Money: management of money, stingy, spending without consulting his wife, etc…

8.  Neglect of children:  training or caring for the children, discipline, etc…

9.  Religion:  will not attend church, pushy on convictions, lack of interest, etc…

She says that women should not try to change their husband for 4 main reasons.

1.  It causes major marriage problems.

2.  It can destroy love.

3.  It dosen’t work.

4.  It can cause a man to rebel.

Every man wants to live in peace. Every man wants approval.  When you pressure him to choose between his freedom and “peace in the household”. Sometimes he chooses peace and sacrifices his freedom. 

So what are the practical steps we can take to accept him as he is and not try to make changes 🙂

1. Get rid of our self righteous attitude.

2.  Look at his better side.

3.  Don’t use other men as shining examples.

4.  Tell him that you accept him. You must tell him, he can not read your mind.

A few final thoughts :

And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?   Matt. 7:3

Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?  Matt. 7:4

Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.   Matt. 7:5

 

Published in: on July 1, 2012 at 4:15 pm  Comments (1)  

Attics, Armoires, Old grannies ~

Since our daughter married a few weeks ago I have been thinking of remodeling her old (empty) room upstairs to make it an extra room for quest. I bought a four postered queen bed frame (very Shabby chic) style at a garage sale a few weeks back. It is very tasteful looking. Kind of off white with brown painted stain overlay. So I’ve been thinking of what to put with it and remembered an old armoire of my great grandmothers that is in my attic. PERFECT !!!!!! I think I’ll paint and stain it to match. How exciting !!! Designing on a dime is always fun and challenging to me. Here are a few facts about Armories that might perk your interest. I know it did mine.

Armorie Ideas ~
Graceful proportions and strong vertical lines make the hardworking armoire an ideal purchase. Highly adaptable, it provides serious storage as well as a focal point. Here’s where and how to use one.

• In the living room: Hide electronics or stock a bar.
• In the dining room: Keep dishes and stemware at hand.
• In the bedroom: Store bulky sweaters or increase hanging space.
• In the kitchen: Create an instant pantry.
• In the bathroom: Stow towels and linens out of sight

PS…I’m sure great grandma Cooksey would be proud to know her piece is coming out of the attic:) the piece is well over 100 yrs because my grandmother who gave it to me is 89 and still living and it was her mother’s :)))

It’s the kind with two mirror doors and a mirrored hat box in the center with a row of drawers. Kinda old and rickety but perfect for the Shabby chic look I’m looking for 🙂

Bright Ideas for the home ~ blessings
Teresa~

Published in: on April 26, 2012 at 6:44 pm  Comments (2)  

Welcome Back ~

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Whew it feels good to be back to blogging after a very eventful few months. Surgery in January and recovery, then our daughter’s  large church wedding Easter weekend. I am now just seeing light at the end of the tunnel 🙂

The Lord has been very good to us and everything is settling down now. The next big event is our daughter is graduating from college in May and then we are taking a much needed trip to the beach late May….. lots of fun !!!

I thought I’d share a few pics from the wedding in my next post ~ soon

May God richly bless and keep you as you labor as godly housewives.

Prayerfully yours,

Teresa ~

Published in: on April 21, 2012 at 3:48 pm  Comments (4)  

Keeping Chaos at bay ~

I read this on Martha Stewart’s blog the other day and thought it was short and sweet and to the point. I’d like to share it with you, it might encourage you today. You might want to post it on the frig or put it on a post it pad somewhere or jot it down in your daytimer (which is where I put it). You can find so many ideas on organization on her website:

She also has tons of wedding planning ideas that I have been reading 🙂

Be encouraged my fellow “keeper of the home”
Teresa ~

~ 6 THINGS TO DO EVERY DAY to keep CHAOS at Bay ~

1. MAKE THE BED
2. MANAGE CLUTTER
3. SORT THE MAIL
4. CLEAN AS YOU COOK
5. WIPE UP SPILLS WHILE THEY ARE FRESH
6. SWEEP THE KITCHEN FLOOR

Published in: on February 19, 2012 at 4:23 pm  Comments (8)  

Preparing for our daughter’s wedding ~

Looking forward to more postings, especially when our precious daugther and Bradley are wed 🙂 Easter weekend ~

Thanks for your patience and prayers during my absence.

Sincerely,
Teresa Haley

Published in: on February 17, 2012 at 5:07 am  Comments (6)  

Easy Pumpkin Pie ~

Pumpkin Pie for ….. Thanksgiving Feast 2011
Generously makes 2 9” pies or 3 8” pies

2 single unbaked pie crusts
4 cups pureed pumpkin, can use canned
2 2/3 cups milk
8 eggs
1 cup honey
3 t. cinnamon
1 ½ t. ginger
1 ½ t. nutmeg
1 t. salt
3 t. vanilla

Using a mixer or blender mix all ingredients until combined very well. If using a blender, mix by hand first and mix small amounts in the blender until all has been thoroughly mixed. Pour the filling into pie crusts. Bake in a preheated 375 oven for about 45 minutes or until set. It will not be completely firm in the center but will firm up as it cools.

If you have leftover pie filling it can be baked along side the pies and eaten with a little whip cream for a snack. You can also make 3 smaller 8 inch pies with the filling or freeze any leftover filling to make another pie later on.

Serve pie with sweetened, freshly whipped cream ( or I like Truwhip) from Kroger in the Health freezer section.

Enjoy~
Teresa Haley

Published in: on November 2, 2011 at 5:22 pm  Comments (1)