A Godly Wife using Discretion ~

 

Dear “keepers” of the home ~

I read this today and I though about how loose so many of today’s women are in the world and even in our churches. My heart is saddened at how many marriages are falling apart that are well over 20 years into the making. Why ? What is happening? What would cause 50 plus year old men to abandon their homes and families after so many years of investment into a marriage? Could it be a woman with no discretion that lured him from his home?

I feel like most of the blame would fall on women that have no discretion. Either they have never been taught or had discretion modeled for them or they just are totally unaware of the “power” a woman has over a man. When a married woman admires or flirts or is too friendly with a man other than her husband all kinds of red flags should be waving. But unfortunately, so many women of today have no flags or bells and then end up in a relationship with another man that totally destroys them both and their marriages.

Below is a list that I encourage you to read and seriously think on each question. I was challenged to reevaluate how I conduct myself around other men and to try even harder to give all reverence and public admiration only to my husband and to opening display my allegiance to him and him alone.

May God bless each of you as godly housewives and women of God. Lord willing that we would be a light set on a hill. An example for women especially younger women to follow. Let our lives be full of discretion in all our areas of dress and speech and conduct, that our homes would be fortified and protected from the enemy. In Jesus Name ~

Learning to daily trust Him,

Teresa

 

Simple mending ~

 

Becoming a Woman of Virtue

 

by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

“Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands” (Prov. 14:1).

1. Am I building up my house or tearing it down?

2. Am I investing in my marriage? Am I nurturing the heart of my marriage?

3. Do I frequently express admiration and gratitude to my husband?

4. Am I reserving the best of my physical and emotional energy for my family?

5. Am I creating a climate (through words, actions, and attitudes) that makes my husband want to be at home?

6. Am I content to be “at home”? Am I finding my “fulfillment” through reverencing and serving my husband and family?

7. Do I reserve intimate communication, looks, words, and touch for my husband? Am I giving of my emotions, attention, affection to a man other than my husband?

8. Am I meeting my husband’s sexual needs?

9. Am I trustworthy? Is there any behavior or relationship I am involved in that I am keeping from my husband? Have I been totally honest with my husband?

10. Does my husband have the freedom to be totally honest with me?

11. Am I fueling sensual thoughts and desires through books, magazines, TV programs, music, or movies that are not morally pure?

12. Have I become a “refuge” for a man who may be struggling in his marriage?

13. Am I looking to a man other than my husband (pastor, counselor, colleague) to be a primary source of counsel or to fill an emotional vacuum in my life?

14. Do I have a more intimate relationship—physically, emotionally, or spiritually—with any man than I do with my husband?

15. Does my demeanor tend to be “loud and defiant,” or do I communicate a meek, quiet, and submissive spirit?

16. Am I a “wall” or a “door” (Song of Songs 8:12)? Am I a “loose” woman? Do I communicate to the men around me that I am “available”? Does my demeanor invite them to “partake” of intimate parts of my body, soul, or spirit? Do I engage in flirtatious speech, looks, or behavior?

17. Is there anything about my speech, actions, dress, or attitudes that could defraud the men around me?

18. Am I discreet and restrained in the way I talk with men at work? Is my conversation ever loose, crude, or unbecoming for a woman of God? Am I expressing admiration for a man that should more appropriately come from his wife?

19. Does my dress help men to keep their thoughts pure and Christ-centered? Is my dress feminine and modest?

20. Have I erected (and am I maintaining) adequate “hedges” in my relationships with men? What are those hedges?

21. Am I currently in a situation that is (or could become) compromising? Am I in a situation that could appear to others to be compromising?

22. Would my husband, as well as other men and women who know me, say that I am a woman of moral virtue and purity?

23. Have I purposed in my heart to be morally pure? Am I making myself accountable to my husband and to another godly woman for my walk with God and others?

“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies” (Prov. 31:10).

© Revive Our Hearts. Taken from Becoming a Woman of Discretion by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. Used with permission

* Take notice of this passage below and consider how vulnerable men really are to the “power” of a women that is using her luring powers.  

 Proverbs 7 
King James Bible

Warnings about the Adulteress

 

1My son, keep my words, and lay up my commandments with thee.

2Keep my commandments, and live; and my law as the apple of thine eye.

3Bind them upon thy fingers, write them upon the table of thine heart.

4Say unto wisdom, Thou art my sister; and call understanding thy kinswoman:

5That they may keep thee from the strange woman, from the stranger which flattereth with her words.

6For at the window of my house I looked through my casement,

7And beheld among the simple ones, I discerned among the youths, a young man void of understanding,

8Passing through the street near her corner; and he went the way to her house,

9In the twilight, in the evening, in the black and dark night:

10And, behold, there met him a woman with the attire of an harlot, and subtil of heart.

11(She is loud and stubborn; her feet abide not in her house:

12Now is she without, now in the streets, and lieth in wait at every corner.)

13So she caught him, and kissed him, and with an impudent face said unto him,

14I have peace offerings with me; this day have I payed my vows.

15Therefore came I forth to meet thee, diligently to seek thy face, and I have found thee.

16I have decked my bed with coverings of tapestry, with carved works, with fine linen of Egypt.

17I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon.

18Come, let us take our fill of love until the morning: let us solace ourselves with loves.

19For the goodman is not at home, he is gone a long journey:

20He hath taken a bag of money with him, and will come home at the day appointed.

21With her much fair speech she caused him to yield, with the flattering of her lips she forced him.

22He goeth after her straightway, as an ox goeth to the slaughter, or as a fool to the correction of the stocks;

23Till a dart strike through his liver; as a bird hasteth to the snare, and knoweth not that it is for his life.

24Hearken unto me now therefore, O ye children, and attend to the words of my mouth.

25Let not thine heart decline to her ways, go not astray in her paths.

26For she hath cast down many wounded: yea, many strong men have been slain by her.

27Her house is the way to hell, going down to the chambers of death.

Published in: on October 24, 2013 at 10:58 pm  Comments (1)  

Table Manners for Children ~

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Table Manners for Children

  • Table manners are probably the most important manners that children will learn.  We all want to have peaceful family dinners, especially when extended family or friends are eating with us.  Here are a few tips for teaching table manners to children.

Table manners are about much more than proper eating. Table manners teach life lessons like being kind and considerate. People are also judged on how they appear and how they act.

Start teaching table manners as soon as children are able to sit at the table and eat with you.  This can begin as young as 6 months, when you insist that your child sit in her high chair (and not crawl across the table) and tell her not to throw her food.

Manners children should know include:

  • waiting until everyone is at the table and ready to eat before they start eating
  • asking for food to be passed instead of reaching across the table for it
  • not talking with their mouth full
  • not interrupting other conversations at the table and waiting for their turn to speak (parents can encourage children to speak up at the table by asking them about their day)
  • asking to be excused from the table when they are done eating (whether that is a formal “May I be excused now?” or a simple “Can I go play now?”)
  • carrying plates or dishes to the kitchen sink when they are done eating
  • not saying things like “yucky” or “gross” about the food, even if they don’t like it
  • saying “thank you” when they are done or when someone passes them some food

Set Reasonable Expectations

Do consider what are reasonable expectations for your children.  A toddler may not be able to sit through a twenty-minute meal while an older child can.  Make sure that everyone starts the meal together, but let younger children go when they are finished eating or getting too ancy.  Slowly encourage them to stay longer by asking them about their day (once they are old enough to carry on a conversation) or encouraging them to wait at the table until dessert is served.

Stay Consistent

Do try to stay consistent in asking your children to practice their manners.  It can be tiring to ask a toddler twenty times to say “please” when asking for more bread, but perhaps on the twenty-first request, the toddler will catch on.

Have your children follow the same rules even if they are eating at a restaurant or at a grandparents.  Grandma might laugh and say that a child doesn’t have to carry dishes to the sink, but you can say that these are expectations you have for your child at home and you expect them to show good manners wherever they are eating.

If this is an issue, speak to friends or relatives ahead of time to explain that you are trying to teach your children manners and would appreciate if they would support you or smile and praise your children for showing off their manners.

Make Table Manners a Game

One way to encourage good table manners  would be to have a special tea party or dinner just for your children (especially if you have a daughter who enjoys playing princess).  Look up an etiquette book or website and see what fancy manners you can find that your children would have fun with.  Talk about these manners with your children and make it a game; they could dress up and role play while practicing the manners.  Later, at the family dinner table, you can remind them about the manners they learned earlier during the game and encourage them to practice those at the dinner table.

Demonstrate Good Manners Yourself

Make sure that you are using the manners that you wish your children to learn.  Children learn by watching and listening.  If you are using “please” and “thank you,” they will also start using it.

 

May the Lord Bless you as you train your precious little ones,

Teresa Haley

Published in: on March 14, 2013 at 3:21 am  Comments (1)  

A Woman’s Worthy Character ~

A Woman’s Worthy Character

Prepared by: Teresa Haley 2013

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What is Character?

The action you take to carry out the values,
ethics and morals that you believe in.

Consistency between what you say you will
do and what you actually do.

Putting the ethics into action.

Defines, builds, or breaks your reputation.

Moral strength. It takes moral courage to do
what is right when it may cost more than you
are willing to pay.

Who you are and what you do when no one
is looking.

“What is wrong is wrong, even if everyone is
doing it. Right is still right, even if no one
else is doing it.” – William Penn

A husband expects his wife to be kinder, more patient and understanding than he is and considers himself the more undefined creature of the human race. If a man becomes thoughtless, harsh or critical, he may be willing to overlook it in himself, but is disappointed to see the woman fall onto his level. There are many virtues of character – all worthy of effort to acquire. The following however, are ten of the most essential. Several of these are particularly important to women.

Qualities of Character

  • Self-Mastery

Self-mastery is the foundation of a worthy character.  We indicate lack of self-mastery in our failure to remain on a diet, our unbridled tongues, our inability to keep confidences, failure to be prompt, and the failure to fulfill responsibilities.

There are numerous ways of gaining self-mastery. One of the most useful is the example set by the Savior, that of fasting. By depriving ourselves of food for a period of time we gain a self-control that strengthens one for the challenges of life.

  • Unselfishness

Regard for others-for their happiness, their success and comfort indicates an unselfish person.  Women especially are inclined to be self-centered and think in terms of “ my children, my husband’s success, my house, my wardrobe.”  Even our special problems dominate our thinking.

  • Benevolence

What is benevolence?   The greatest good comes from lifting a person’s spirit and giving hope and purpose to their lives.  Those in need of help often show it in their eyes.  Young people who are discouraged look downcast.  True benevolence is to seek out the downcast and discouraged and restore their souls.

  • Moral Courage

Often it is the lack of moral courage that causes us to fail to follow our convictions.  Fear of ridicule, fear of criticism keep us from reaching our goals.  You may have a day of housecleaning planned at home.  Then someone calls you on the telephone and occupies your time.  The fear of offending keeps you from indicating your boredom.  And thus your life runs you instead of you running it.

  • Patience

There are four ways we need patience:

  • Patience with people
  • Patience with tasks
  • Patience to look for the brighter day
  • Chastity

There is a relaxing of moral standards in our present time even among those who profess Christianity.  Women are often unchaste in appearance and often invite sensual desire in men other than their husbands by their immodest clothes, their loose actions and mannerisms, their coy glances, their extreme flattery.

  • Honesty

Few of us would steal or bear false witness, or tell obvious lies, but there are common ways that we fall into dishonesty.  1.  Fear of criticism or disapproval byy making up excuses. 2.  Money – the root of our dishonesty.

  • Humility

There are three ways we need to have humility:

  • With worldly goods
  • With knowledge
  • Righteousness
  • Self-Dignity

There are women who lack self-dignity by being too servile.  They wait upon their families from morning unto night and are not mothers, and wives, but slaves.  Also lacking  in self-dignity is the woman who strives valiantly to please her husband, while neglecting her own personal needs.  When a women is too servile, too willing to please and will allow mistreatment, or when she in any way appears in an inferior position to her husband, she does not have the queenly quality of self-dignity. 

  • Tenderness and Gentleness

There is a quality of character which is vital to our ideal woman- and it is tenderness and gentleness.  This is a quality which is a combination of several virtues, such as sympathy, benevolence, understanding, compassion, patience, long suffering and kindness.

This quality is an attractive quality of character you display to others through your feminine manner.  It is difficult, if not impossible, for a woman to be truly feminine without this character trait, for if she is harsh, critical, or bitter, feminine charm is destroyed.

Women who are weak in character lose their charm.  They may have perfect physical features, yet there will be a hard expression about their mouth, coldness to the eyes, or an irritation on the otherwise fair forehead and a droop to the shoulders that spoil their beauty.  The shadowy hint of an unworthy character will mar the beauty of an otherwise perfect face.

 

How to Build Worthy Character

  1. Draw close to God: To build character, draw close to God and live a righteous life. When you do, you bring the Spirit of God into your life, and with it, the fruits of the spirit.  Galatians 5:22 Love, joy, peace, long suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness and temperance.
  2. Labor:  As we devote ourselves to our daily duty, the mother caring for the family, and the father providing a living for them, we grow in character.  Such patient devotion to duty builds strong character traits- self-control, unselfishness, patience, diligence, dependability, moral courage, and a keen sense of responsibility.
  3. Suffering:  Suffering builds character. It refines and purifies.  A noble character is not born in a Sunday School class. It must be hammered and forged in the fiery furnace of life.  Those who endure suffering patiently, grow in character.  High goals bring suffering.  The walk of the Christian on the road to perfection brings suffering of the finest kind.

 How to Quickly Mar your Character:

  1. Lower your personal standards
  2. Be critical of your husband
  3. Raise your voice harshly to your children
  4. Be fault-finding of others
  5. Neglect your housework
  6. Neglect your outward appearance
  7. Fail to stick on your diet
  8. Be selfish and self-centered, thinking only of yourself
  9. Acquire a proud look in the presence of the less fortunate.

mother juggler

If you know you are not internally happy and you realize it is because any of the points listed above, read the following list and highlight what you think may be contributing to your unhappiness:

Your housework is neglected.

You rarely cook good food, relying on processed food or take-away.

You consistently fail to meet the basic needs of your children.

You are overly focused on the faults of others.

You are overly focused on things you are lacking.

You are overly focused on the difficulties in your life.

You are a doormat.

You are overly sensitive to criticism and hold grudges or resent other people.

You concentrate only on your own problems.

You are selfish or self-centered.

You have no self-control or will power.

You are unkind in thought or deed.

You are addicted to anything.

You are too critical of oneself and unforgiving of one’s mistakes.

You are too critical of others and unforgiving of their mistakes.

You habitually gossip, back-bite, slander or worsen relations between others.

You are stuck in a rut, never doing anything creative or broadening your horizons.

Published in: on February 25, 2013 at 10:10 pm  Comments (1)  

Obedient to Their Own Husbands~

 

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Obedient to Their Own Husbands

Titus 2:4-5

That they may teach the younger women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands…….

Obedient means

  1. Yielding
  2. Willing and eager to accomplish injunctions or desires
  3. Abstaining from that which is forbidden

Genesis 3:16 … and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

Ephesians 2:22-24…. Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, and he is the savior of the body.  Therefore,  as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

Proverbs 12:4….. A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband; but she that maketh ashamed  is as rottenness in his bones.

Proverbs 31:11…… The heart of her husband doeth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

  • Trustworthy
  • Dependable
  • Worthy of confidence
  • Reliable
  • Honest
  • Deserving

Proverbs 31:12….. She will do him good and not evil all the days of his life.

  • Constant in her love
  • Unshaken
  • Unmoved
  • Faithful
  • Ceaseless
  • Enduring
  • Unchanging
  • Loyal

A man will resist with all his might those who come against him.  Most women spend their whole married lives in conflict with their husbands, trying to change them.  It is a battle of the wills that no woman has ever rightly won, for even if she gets his compliance, she loses her heart, and he loses his self-respect.

When a woman resists or tries to change a man, she makes him more stubborn, and her own heart will be filled with bitterness.  If a woman obeys God, a man does not have anything to come against, to resist, to conquer, or to beat down.  A woman’s greatest power is in obeying God through obeying and honoring her husband.  When she departs from God’s order, she is setting herself up to create a life of turmoil, bitterness, and defeat- for both of them.

Remember:  God does not appoint a wife to be her husband’s conscience.

Traits of a Good Help Meet

  • An obedient wife is yielding, willing and eager to accomplish desires, and abstain from that which is forbidden.
  • She looks for ways to obey and reverence her husband.
  • She channels her mind into positive ways of saying “yes”.
  • She never considers herself to be an exception to the rule of being a help meet.

Dealing with a MAD or ANGRY husband:

It is common for men to react with sudden anger when things do not go their way.  They can get mad over a lawnmower, a family appliance, or a child talking too much.  It is unregulated testosterone seeking a conflict.  It is not usually conflict-induced, and seems totally irrational to us ladies who must have a reason to get mad.

Women are led by their emotions to be sentimental, and men are led by their emotions to be aggressive, even to the edge of violence. It is sin for them to have no more self-control than boys in day care, but it is their sin, not yours.  There is not one thing we ladies can do to change this tendency.  God can give a man total self-control.  The man who walks after the Spirit will be as meek as Christ, but let’s face it; most marriages start off with a man who is not perfect like Christ.

The wisest way to handle the aggressive husband is by not taking personal offense.  Always, avoid “provoking’ him.  Most women know what causes their man to lose their cool.  Give him time to cool down, he will feel ashamed soon enough.  Although, this explosive anger is emotionally upsetting and certainly not pleasant, it is a man-thing that a smart woman can learn to deal with in a wise manner.

 

 

Some Final Thoughts from Scripture to meditate on:

  • Younger women, bear children
  • Younger women, guide the house
  • Wives, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully
  • Wives, submit to your own husbands
  • Wives, love your own husbands
  • Wives, love your children
  • Women, be discreet
  • Women, be chaste
  • Women, be keepers at home
  • Women, be sober
  • Women, be good
  • Women, do not usurp authority over the man
  • Wives, reverence your own husband
  • Wives, have chaste conversation
  • Women, adorn yourselves in modest apparel
  • Women, have shamefacedness and sobriety
  • Wives, have a meek and quiet spirit
  • Wives, render due benevolence to your husband
  • Wives, care how you may please your husband
  • Women, keep silence in the churches
  • Women are not permitted to speak in church
  • Wives, be not idle
  • Wives, do not wander about  gossiping from house to house
  • Wives, do not be tattlers or busybodies

 

 

 

Taken from one of my favorite marriage books …. Created to be His Help Meet, by Debi Pearl

Sincerely yours,

Teresa A. Haley

2013

Published in: on February 21, 2013 at 1:12 am  Comments (1)  

27 Things “NOT” to Say to Your Spouse~

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27 Things “NOT” to Say to Your Spouse
Steve Stephens

There is nothing more painful than having unhealthy communication with the one you love. It is through communication that we connect and our spirits touch. If that connection becomes contaminated, it is only a matter of time before the whole relationship is poisoned. In the process of communication, wisdom is knowing what not to say rather than what to say….
Therefore, I gathered together some close friends and asked them what not to say to your spouse. Here is their list:

“I told you so.”
“You’re just like your mother.”
“You’re always in a bad mood.”
“You just don’t think.”
“It’s your fault.”
“What’s wrong with you?”
“All you ever do is complain.”
“I can’t do anything to please you.”
“You get what you deserve.”
“Why don’t you ever listen to me?”
“Can’t you be more responsible?“
“What were you thinking?”
“You’re impossible!”
“I don’t know why I put up with you.”
“1 can talk to you until I’m blue in the face and it doesn’t do any good.”
“I can do whatever I like.”
“If you don’t like it, you can just leave.”
“Can’t you do anything right?”
“That was stupid.”
“All you ever do is think of yourself.”
“If you really loved me, you’d do this.”
“You’re such a baby.”
“Turnabout’s fair play.”
“You deserve a dose of your own medicine.”
“What’s your problem?”
“I can never understand you.”
“Do you always have to be right?”

Published in: on February 20, 2013 at 4:45 pm  Leave a Comment  

37 Things to Say to Your Spouse~

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37 Things to Say to Your Spouse

Steve Stephens

A healthy marriage is a safe haven where we can relax and
recuperate from the tensions of everyday life. We need to
hear positive things from our mate!

“Good Job!”
“You are wonderful.”
“You look great today.”
“I don’t feel complete without you.”
“I appreciate all the things you have done for me.”
“You come first in my life, before kids, career, or friends.”
“I am glad I married you.”
“You are the best friend I have.”
“If I had to do it over again, I’d still marry you.”
“I wanted you today.”
“I missed you today.”
“I could not get you out of my mind today.”
“It is nice to wake up next to you.”
“I will always love you.”
“I love to watch your eyes when you are smiling.”
“As always, you look good today.”
“I trust you.”
“I can always count on you.”
“You make me feel good.”
“I am so proud to be married to you.”
“I am sorry.”
“I was wrong.”
“What would you like?”
“What is on your mind?”
“Let me just listen.”
“You are so special.”
“I can’t imagine my life apart from you.”
“I wish I were a better wife.”
“What can I do to help?”
“Pray for me.”
“I am praying for you today.”
“I prize every moment we spend together.”
“Thank you for loving me.”
“Thank you for accepting me.”
“Thank you for being my Hubby.”
“You make each day brighter.”

Published in: on February 20, 2013 at 4:34 pm  Leave a Comment  

Three Kinds of Men ~

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Three Kinds of Men

Key  point #1……   A Wise Woman learns to adapt to her husband.

Men are not all the same. I have become aware that there are basically three types of men. As you review the types, you will probably readily identify your husband and be able to see where you have been a curse or a blessing to him.

Key point #2 ……… Wisdom is knowing what you “bought” when you married that man, and learning to adapt to him as he is, not as you want him to be.

1.  MR. COMMAND MAN

God is dominant- a sovereign and all-powerful God.  A few men are born with more than their share of dominance and, on the surface, a deficit on gentleness.  These types of men often end up in positions that command other men.  They are born leaders, preachers and heads of corporations. Command Men usually do more than is required of them.

Characteristics of Command Men

  • Known for expecting their wives to wait on them hand and foot
  • Does not want his wife involved in any project that prevents her from serving him
  • Wife needs to learn how to make an appeal without challenging his authority
  • They have less tolerance
  • A woman can fight until she is blue in the face, yet the Command Man will not yied
  • He is not as intimate or vulnerable as are other men in sharing her personal feelings
  • He seems to be sufficient unto himself
  • A woman married to a Command man has to earn her place in his heart by proving that she ill stand by her man, faithful, loyal, and obedient.
  • When she has won his confidence, he will treasure her to the extreme.
  • She is on call every minute of her day
  • He wants to know where she is, what she is doing, and why she is doing it
  • He corrects her without thought, for better or for worse, it is his nature
  • A Command Man will not take the trash out, as a general rule he will command someone else to do it

A woman married to a Command Man wears a heavier yoke than most women, but it can be a very rewarding yoke.  In a way, her walk as his help meet is easier because there is never any possibility of her being in control.  There are no gray areas, she always knows exactly what is required of her, therefore she has a calm sense of safety and rest.

Key Point #3 – A King wants a Queen, which is why a man in command wants a faithful wife to share his fame and glory.

If you are married to a king, honor and reverence is something you MUST give him on a DAILY basis if you want HIM to be a benevolent, honest, strong, and fulfilled man of God.  He has the potential to become an amazing leader. Never shame him, and DO NOT belittle him or ignore his accomplishments.

2.  MR. VISIONARY MAN

God is very visionary. He made some men in this image and likeness as well. Prophets are usally this type of men. Some of you are married to men who are shakers, changers, and dreamers.

Key point # 1……. Learn how to be flexible, and learn how to always be loyal to your man.

Characteristics of Visionary Men:

  • Visionaries are often very gifted men or inventors
  • Can be street preachers, political activists, organizers, and instigators of any front-line social event
  • They love confrontation!! A good argument to share HIS ideas
  • These men keep the rest of the world from getting stagnant or dull
  • He has a NEED to communicate with his words, music, writings, voice or actions
  • Needs a good, wise, prudent , stable wife who has a positive outlook on life
  • Is usually rich or poor, but rarely middle-class
  • Will invest everything at a chance and lose it all or make a fortune
  • IF he works a job he will either not show up half the time or else work like a maniac  80 hrs
  • He may never be rich in money, but he will be rich in experience
  • They love to hash over ideas, plans, and dreams
  • He will have 1000 ideas for every idea he attempts
  • He rarely finishes a project, but don’t try to change him- it doesn’t work !!
  • A visionary man will take the trash out “if he remembers”
  • Always inventing a better way
  • Needs a wife who does not take offense easily, she needs to be tough

The wife of a Visionary Man should be a little bit reckless and blind in one eye, if she is going to enjoy the ride.  If this is your man, you need to learn two very important things. 1. Learn to be flexible, and 2. Learn how to be loyal to your man.  You will be amazed at how much happier you will be and how much fun life can be if you learn to just go with the flow – his flow.  Life will become an adventure.  You will actually feel sorry for the gals married to the stick in the mud.

3.  MR. STEADY MAN

God is steady as an eternal rock, caring, providing, and faithful. He has created many men in this image. The Steady Man does not make snap decisions or spend his last dime on a new idea, not given to extremes, and he doesn’t tell other men what to do. He doesn’t invent the light bulb, but he will be the one to build the factory and manage the assembly line that produces the light bulb.

Being married to MR STEADY has its rewards and its trials.  On the good side, your husband never puts undue pressure on you to perform miracles.  He doesn’t expect you to be his servant.

When you are married to a man who is steady and cautious, and you have a bit of the impatient romantic in you, you may not see his worth and readily honor him.  You may be discontent because he is slow and cautious to take authority and make quick decisions. A bossy woman sees her husband’s lack of hasty judgment and calls her husband “wishy-washy”.

Characteristics of MR STEADY MAN:

  • His steadiness makes him the last to change
  • They are odd or stand out men
  • They are not loud
  • They are neither irritating nor particularly magnificent
  • He will never brag on himself and typically is poor at “selling himself” and his skills
  • It is your job to speak highly of him and “sell him” until he is convinced and aware that he is the skillful professional they have been looking for
  • He might even cry during times of stress or intimacy
  • He is very very slow to come to trust and open up to a woman
  • Mr. Steady is always in demand. People everywhere need him to fix a car, etc, etc
  • You will begin to wonder if you will ever have him to yourself
  • He belongs to people
  • He enjoys the company of others but is most comfortable spending time in small talk with whoever is around
  • He is a manly, steady fellow
  • They make wise, well-thought out decisions
  • Their loyalty is strong, they are rarely rash or foolish
  • Mr Steady will take the trash out and always keep the area clean, yet his wife will be prone to take his goodness for granted

The Steady Man is wonderful with those who are hurt, sick, or dying.  He loves to comfort and seems to know what a person needs in times of great sorrow. His still, quiet presence brings peace.

Who is your Man?

Make a list of your husband’s traits – things that indicate which of the three types he most expresses.  It may be a combination, with one more dominant.  Now, begin a list of things you can do that will set him free to be the man God made him to be.

“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world; but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is good, and acceptable and perfect will of God”.    Romans 12:1-2

Ask God to give you wisdom to see where YOU need to change to be the perfect help meet for your divinely designed man.

NOTE:  Keep in mind that most men are a little of all three types, but tend to be stronger in one.

Taken from: Created to Be His Help Meet by, Debi Pearl    

 Typed and edited by, Teresa Haley 2013

Published in: on February 14, 2013 at 1:00 am  Leave a Comment  

Tips for Training children 12-17 yrs. old ~

Let thine eyes ~

Tips for Training children 12-17 yrs. old

Written by Teresa Haley 2013

 

First let me say that children are NOT fully trained by the age 18, but after the 17th year you will begin to reap the harvest of your child training years. The 17th and 18th year of a child’s life can be the most rewarding or the most painful and lots of that harvest depends on their training during the years of adolescence.

At 12 yrs. old children begin a whole new growth and maturity.  So many hormonal changes take place. One day they seem like a small child again and the next day they seem very mature and stable.  This is the rocky years. The years to be the most alert and on top of your parenting game.  This could be the years to make it or lose it with your children’s hearts.

Most parents fail in these crucial years because they are so weary from child training and are ready for a period of rest. But this is definitely not the years to rest they are still a few years away. This is the years for strictness, tight guidelines, rules, openness, respect, obedience and lots and lots of hearty counsel.

By age 12 spanking the child with the rod have almost been eliminated and the need for a different type of discipline is needed. I am not saying there is never a need to spank after age twelve, because there are times for it.  I have even given spankings at age 15 when then was needed and effective.

During the years of 12-17 the good parent needs to be reading every bit of good godly advice they can find. They also need to require the child to read every profitable book that will build their thinking habits in the right way.  This is the years that the parent still has the say on what they CAN do and CAN NOT do so don’t let those days escape you and not use them to the best of your ability.

A lot of parents make the mistakes of wanting to be the 12-17 yr. olds best friend during these ages. This is not the years for that entirely. This is the coaching and training for adulthood years and the friendship/buddy years will begin when the child is safely into adulthood around 20 yrs. old. So be diligent and determined to stay with your goals and desires for your children at any cost during those preteen and teen years.

This season of a child’s life they now have so many choices and freedoms available to them. It is the PARENTS job and responsibility to choose and to help them choose the best options for there their lives.  Don’t be a coward and become victim to peer pressure to allow your 12-17 yr. old to do what everyone else is doing if it puts a red light or warning into your spirit.  Remember the goal of where you want your children to be by the time they are grown.

Many good meaning people will try to get you to loosen up or say the child is big enough to make their own choices, they are not!!!!  God has placed you over them and YOU will be the one that will answer for the choices that are made.  Be strong, be courageous!!!!!

Some of the areas I want to talk about today concerning 12-17 yr. olds are:

  1. Girls mature differently than boys
  2. Training boys with hard hard work during these years
  3. Speaking respectfully and mannerly
  4. How to address adults when spoken to
  5. Training future homemakers through – homemaking skills
  6. Keeping the body hygiene/ responsibilities
  7. Apprentice for boys – working with godly men
  8. Boyfriend/girlfriend game – defrauding your brother, purity
  9. Struggles with sexual desires and temptations
  10. Keeping their hearts in the church and out of the world (music, videos, media, friends)

 

 

Bless you and may God give you the strength to train your children in the fear and admonition of the Lord during these crucial years of training preteens and teens.  If you sow bountifully you will indeed reap bountifully, but if you reap sparingly you unfortunately will reap sparingly as well. It is possible to raise Godly children that will be a joy to you and to the kingdom of God, but it will not be achieved without a HUGE INVESTMENT of time, prayer, diligence and determination.

So strap up your boots and get ready for the best days are ahead!!!

Sincerely yours in Christ,

Teresa Haley

 

Published in: on February 7, 2013 at 3:29 pm  Comments (1)  

Training Young Men to Honor their Mother ~

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Training Young Men to Honor Women

Hello friends,

I taught this lesson from one of my homeschooling books to our son during his 15th year and thought it was excellent for moms with boys especially ages 14-17 years old.  Young men around age 15, especially have the hardest time with submitting and honoring their mothers. This is partly because that are turning into men and they naturally were created by God to be the Head and Authority in the home (in time), but during these ages they need to learn to honor and respect mother so they will be well equipped and trained to deal correctly with their future wife.  My prayer is that you will be encouraged to continue to demand respect and honor from your sons and to not let them become dishonoring just because they are bigger and think they are smarter than you are :)  Do a good job and they will honor you and thank you for it in the near future and their future wife will be so glad too !!!!

Stay strong,

Teresa Haley

(Young Men) `HOW DO YOU TREAT THE WOMEN/MOTHER IN YOUR LIFE? 

  

   The Bible tells a man to give “honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel.”  I Peter 3:7 Although you may not think so now, you will someday desire to have your own wife, and you are encouraged in that direction by God.   Prov. 18:22   1 Cor. 7:2  The character traits that you will have as a husband are being formed right now by the habits you have with the women in your life. These women include your mother, your grandmothers, your women teachers, or any other adult women you know or meet for the first time.

 

    To give honor means to dignify, respect, and exalt; to take special notice of, and to elevate in rank or position. The way in which you treat your mother, teachers, and other women in your life will form a pattern of habits. Habits become character.  Are you now giving honor to the women in your life?  Are you practicing manly behaviors?  Will you know how to treat a young woman with honor when you meet the one person whom the Lord has prepared to be your wife? Are you preparing to have a successful and satisfying marriage relationship with a woman when you are a man by practicing and learning to obey God’s Word in I Peter 3:7? 

What Things Dishonor a Woman?

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To dishonor means to disgrace, to bring shame to, to treat with indignity, to stain the character, or to lessen the reputation of a person. A boy who treats a woman with dishonor is saying through his behavior, “You are less important than I am; you are not a person worthy of my respect.”  Phil. 2:3 Listed below are some things that dishonor a woman.

   

*    Disobedience; as if to say, “I know better what I should be doing; you’re not important enough to tell me what to do.” 

*    Putting your needs first; disregarding her wishes. 

*    Talking back disrespectfully; disrespectful looks. 

*    Disregarding the counsel and instruction given to you by a woman. 

*    Treating a woman as you would treat a man. 

*    Disrespectful looks or acts toward others in a woman’s presence. 

*    Joking about a woman’s habits. 

*    Joking about or disrespectful looking at a woman’s body.

 

Student Exercise 

 

1.  Can you dishonor the women in your life for ten to fifteen years and then be able to give honor unto your own  life?_________             Why or why not?______________________________________ 

2.  A boy should_______________________ women  so  that  he  can  practice ________________  that will later become his_____________. 

3.  Because of Satan’s hatred of a successful Christian family, he tempts boys now to dishonor the most a  ____________________.   Is Satan’s plan working in your life? _______ 

    Are you more honoring and respectful toward your mother or toward your Father?____________ 

 

How Can I Show Honor to a Woman?

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   If an adult that you meet or are with is a woman, you should automatically decide to treat her differently than you would a man. “This is a woman. God commands in His Word that I treat my future wife with honor, so I will practice doing that with every woman I meet.”

 

* Listen silently when a woman talks. Look at her when she talks to you; don’t look away and don’t stare. Be careful of the expressions on your face.

* Be committed to the women in your life, and respect them as God-given authorities. Let your  attitude be, “God has placed me under the authority of this woman and He requires that I show her honor, respect, and obedience.” Respect even the unspoken wishes of a woman. 

* Don’t lie to a woman. Lying is dishonorable and damages trust. 

* Be unselfish; be more concerned with a woman’s needs and desires than you are with your own.   Do nothing that might offend her. 

* Show to a woman that you care. Be a young gentleman! Be polite and thank her for things she does for you. Ask permission; never tell her what you are going to do, and don’t make demands or beg when she has said, “No.” Give her advance notice about things that you need to have or need to do. Always talk respectfully to her. Answer politely; “Yes, Ma’am,” or “No, Ma’am.” 

* Be reserved in rough behavior around women—behavior that would cause a woman to feel threatened with being hurt. Restrain from being too loud, and restrain yourself from crudeness in speech or behavior. 

* Never say something bad that would harm a woman’s reputation, and don’t allow others to do that in your presence.  Defend and protect her name and decency. 

* Make things right if you have acted dishonorably. Ask for forgiveness. Acts 24:16 

* Don’t struggle for power over a woman. When you are an adult, God will give you a position of leadership with a woman (leadership does not mean superiority). Learn to become the best follower you that can be of Godly men and women, and later in life the Lord will give you leader­ship positions. You will be successful in leadership only when you have learned to be a sub­missive follower of authority.

 

“. . . As Unto the Weaker Vessel.”   1 Peter 3:7

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* Offer to carry things for a woman. 

* Open and hold doors for a woman; let a woman go in the door first. 

* Offer to help when you see a need. Offer to get needed things, especially when she is sitting down. 

* Be protective and defensive. 

* Act with gentleness; not toughness. 

* Comfort her when she is upset. 

* Let a woman choose first. 

* Give to a woman your best attitude, speech, and behavior.

 

   Don’t ever cause a woman to be a victim of your cooperation with Satan! Always try to imitate the way a man of God should treat a woman. Make decisions now about how you will treat women, and then be determined to reach your goals!

 

Personal Evaluation  

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Place a check by those things you are doing now to show honor to your mother.

 

1. ______ I am willingly obedient to her commands and unspoken wishes for me. 

2. ______I accept “No” without arguing or complaining. 

3. ______I open the door for my mother and let her go through first. 

4. ______I ask permission to do things rather than telling my

mother what I’m going to do. 

5. ______I get things my mother needs and things I need at the table instead of expecting her to do everything. 

6. ______ I listen carefully and respectfully when my mother

corrects me or counsels me. 

7. ______I always thank my mother when she does things for me. 

8. ______ I only say good things about my mother when I’m talking to friends. 

9. ______ I never disrespectfully talk back to my mother. 

10. ______I’m always careful about the expressions on my face when I’m talking with my mother. 

11.______I am submissive and tender-hearted when my mother has to discipline me for something I did wrong. 

12.______When I’m at school I honor my mother and I talk, work, and behave as I know she would want me to. 

13.______I always tell my mother the truth—even when I know the

truth will cause her to be angry or sorrowful. 

14.______I carry things for my mother and offer to do difficult jobs

for her.

 Setting Goals

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Make a list of the women in your life that you have difficulty showing honor to. Use a separate sheet of paper if you need more space. On the lines to the right, briefly describe specific things you will do that you are not doing now. Then ask for forgiveness from each one and tell each one how you will behave in the future.  Acts 24:16

1._______________ ___________________________________________________

Date___________ _____________________________________________________

Acts 24:16______ ______________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

 

Questions to Think About and Discuss

 

1. How should I act toward a woman who doesn’t treat me as I think she should? What should I do if I don’t feel like treating a woman with honor?
2. What should I do or say when I have wronged a woman?
 3. What can I do about bad habits I already have toward women?
 4.  What kinds of things or people in my life will teach me to dishonor and have wrong attitudes toward women?
 5. What am I saying with my life when I don’t treat a woman with honor?
6.  What does pornography do to women? What harmful attitudes will I learn by looking at it? How will it affect my relationships with young women when I am a teenager?
 7. Why do some boys act worse with women than they do around men?
 8. If I have bad habits now in my treatment of women, will I know how to obey 1 Peter 3:7 when I get married?
 9.  How could a boy’s behavior and attitude help to lead an unsaved woman to Christ?
10. What should I say to other boys who are being dishonorable toward women?

 

Published in: on February 5, 2013 at 11:55 am  Comments (1)  

How to Identify Willfulness and Rebellion in your Children~

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How to Identify Willfulness and Rebellion in your Children

composed by Teresa A. Haley 2013

First let’s decide what Willfulness is.

God gives everyone a will when they are born.  That freewill is what we exercise when “we” decide to give our hearts to the Lord.  Our children have that same freewill in them when they are born J Just as the Lord desires for us to pray “thy will, not mine” be done, we as parents desire the same thing from our children.

Our children will begin to display their will or willfulness almost as soon as they are born. They can let you know their will without even saying a word. A cry for more milk or when they refuse to drink  milk, or the turning of their heads when they’ve nursed enough.  Then as they get older and they do not want to sit or stand or lay, etc…  they will bend, bow, and buck, even before they can communicate a word.

As children begin to age it is God will for us as parents to train the will of the child to learn to submit to the will of the parent. This is the same skill they will need in all their adult life and even in the Christian life as they submit to the Lord’s will and authority over them.

The worse thing we as parents can do is raise a child that is self-willed to the point of rebellion.  Not only will we dislike their company, neither will anyone else be able to bare them.

Training the will of a child is full time.  When you relax for even one day it will take two days to regain what you’ve lost. Consistency is vital to success.

Willfulness can be displayed in many areas, here are just a few:  temper tantrums when confronted with another way other than their own, out of control crying, excessive whining, demanding attention, half doing an expected job, not eating all or part of what has been after being told they must eat it, refusing to be bathed or diapered, refusing to wear the clothing desired by the parent with a display of rage, irritability and moodiness when their will has been defeated or challenged,  doing a sloppy halfhearted job just to prove “their point”, conveniently forgetting,  stalling and dragging around until the parent is furious, pushing the limits on everything,  refusing to take proper care of their possessions because of lack of responsibility.

These are just a few trouble areas that really need special attention.  Conquering the will of the child takes diligence and tenacity. It is not jobs for wimpy parents with no back bone.  The child is much craftier in their pursuit than you could ever be in your plan.  So we must be alert and be wise in our strategy.

The best policy is zero tolerance for offenses.  If it is questionable the first time or so then take the time to sit down and talk it through until the child is clear that it will not be tolerated.  Then have a clear plan for the offences. Usually a spanking is the right choice for little children. For children 8 and above adding extra workload is very effective.  I have even used writing essays and papers as a punishment for certain misbehaviors.  But, there should ALWAYS be a righteous judgment for outright negative willfulness, in order to have a well-trained child.

In the “real” world there are “real” consequences to willfulness.  It is our God given duty and assignment from God to train our children to surrender their will to proper headship and author without bucking and being stiff necked, which will cost them dearly, maybe even their own souls.

Now let’s talk about Rebellion and how it is different from Willfulness.

Rebellion is : the open and determined defiance of or resistance to any authority or controlling power.

1 Samuel 15:23

 For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry.

Parents must learn to recognize the ways children express their rebellion and how to handle rebellion when it occurs.  One sure sign of rebellion is when the child just walks away when you are directly speaking to them.  This should never be tolerated. Your child should be required to listen “quietly” to your instructions without back talk or justifications.

Your child should look into your eyes and verbally acknowledge his acceptance of your instructions with an attitude of respect.

Another sign of Rebellion is when you child will not accept your correction.  Either by blaming, justifying, arguing, or claming up and unwilling to admit their wrong doing, which is a silent act of rebellion.

Some children would not dare to openly disobey or talk back but they have another type of internal rebellion. They will withdraw, sulk, pout, and make everyone around them miserable, for not being given “their own way”.  This type of Rebellion must be drawn out into the open so that it can be overcome.

Bribery will never solve or correct a Rebel.  Only exercise in controlling his will develops self-discipline which is the goal.  God does not bride us, neither should we ever bribe our children, NEVER.  When a parent bribes or threatens the child to “do it” or else, and the “or else” seldom follows, the child is being trained to consider that the parent’s word has no value. I always said, “mean what you say and say what you mean”. Be a parent of your word, follow through, even if it’s unpleasant.

Children are commanded by God to obey their parents in all things.

Parents have the authority by God to rule over their children. This means they have the right to make the rules and to command their children to follow them.

Conquering rebellion means to re-establish parental authority. Parents must be willing to apply force to cause the rebellious child to do the parents will instead of continuing to choose to rebel.

Rebellion must be conquered not tolerated.  If you fail to get the root of rebellion out of children God will be forced by His righteousness to do it, which is so unfortunate for you and your precious children. Do your job as a responsible parent and reap the benefits of godly well behaved, obedient, happy children.

Here are a few external signs of inward Rebellion in a child:

Sulking, grumbling, whining, pouting, anger, slamming doors, fuming, rolling eyes, glaring, slapping, biting, kicking, venting anger,  silence refusing to answer, rough treatment of others, throwing toys, walking away while being spoken to, interrupting while being corrected,  lying and saying they obeyed when they know they did not, wallowing in self-pity, not willing to admit fault or take the blame or making vehement promises of repentance, accusing parent of improper discipline.

These are just a few of the signs that repentance needs to take place.

Note: The child who has been in charge all day, don’t be surprised if he fights his parents’ authority every night at bedtime.

Let’s look at a few scriptures and meditate on how to apply them to our childrearing.

  • Prov. 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him
  • Prov 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.
  • Prov 19:18  Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.
  • Heb 12:11 Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised there
  • Eph 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right
  • Col 3:20 Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord

Resources:

Child Training Tips – Reb Bradley

What the Bible says about Child Training – Richard Fugate

The KJV Bible

Published in: on February 3, 2013 at 2:03 am  Leave a Comment  
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